Guns - Literal and Verbal

Recently, I have seen lot of postings about gun laws since the AZ shooting. 

DISCLAIMER:  I am not an advocate of a gun ban because it is a moot point with a market that is saturated with firearms and firearms manufacturers. A ban would only serve to put firearms in a black market situation; much like alcohol in Prohibition, and we all know how well THAT turned out.  Gun control is certainly an option, but would require enforcement and would not eliminate shootings/violence

 With all that being said, what is left to dissuade would-be violent criminals?  The adage of having both "carrot and stick" as a motivator for human behavior is really all that remains.

Laws (the "stick") only serve to define a punishment for people who break them.  Sure they are a deterrent for people who are frightened by such things, but the real criminal element are probably going to break the law no matter how it reads.

I was in a recent discussion with someone who suggested that the Tucson shootings would not have happened if gun control were more stringent and enforced.  I agree with him, however, if the shooter were determined enough, guns are available through other means....and they always will be.  Sure this specific shooting may not have happened.  But gun control would not eliminate tragedies like those that have occured in Tucson, Columbine, or others....

The real question is: how do we change the human experience so that violence doesn't even become an option?  I agree that a life out of prison is a "carrot" that I'll take any day, but people who are hell-bent to cause destruction don't see it that way.  This is a question of education and evolution.

Education of our children.  Education for ourselves. We must evolve as a species.

Next time you say one of the following things, THINK about the message your words send:

1. "I wish they'd just die!"
2. "I HATE YOU!"
3. "I'm going to beat the ____ out of you!"

The next time your LEADERS use inflammatory speech or imagery,  call them on it.  Write a letter, send an email.  Because you disagree with the WAY they present their message doesn't mean that you oppose them or the agenda.

An Icon in 90's infomercial television was a spiky haired blond named Susan Powter.  The "STOP THE INSANITY!" diet craze.  She took those words and used them until we had them pounded in our heads.

I think it is time for a resurgence, but lets apply it to the way we communicate.  STOP the INSANITY, the ANGER, the HATE SPEECH, the PREJUDICE.

If enough of us choose to live in a society that communicates rather than inflames maybe we really can make a difference.

We have been very lucky in the US to not have experienced the violence that ALL of our neighbors have had to live with.  It is hard to look at the World news and not see violence that is either occurring, or occured. 

This lack means that the US has to be doing SOMETHING right.  What are we doing right and how do we expand on that success? 

Just something to ponder.....

Skiing through Relationships (or Relationships through Skiing)

As some of you know, when the weather gets cold, I turn to skiing to combat the winter blahs.  Well, I was skiing this weekend in a social situation that was a little bit different....  My ex came to WI to ski and brought his on-again-off-again Boyfriend.  Now, to be clear, I was fine with this situation.  The ex and I try to stay friends, and I like the would-be boyfriend.  What was interesting was watching my ex try to bounce between us.

I have been skiing for 4 years.  I am not good, but I am not bad.  The ex is an expert skier, and the Boyfriend is a beginner.

Watching the dynamics that were in play was very interesting and really made me ponder life and the relationships that we form with the people around us.  I came up with a theory....not a new theory....but a theory, nonetheless.

These were the events as the day unfolded:

After one group lesson, the Boyfriend decided that skiing wasn't for him.

I skied the green and blue hills.  I was much more comfortable this year than last.  I put music on my earphones and fell only once.  I skied alone (most times).  I was happy until the snowboarders started to annoy me, and by then, a hot chocolate sounded better than another run.

My ex spent a LOT of energy running from hill to hill.  I am not sure he was really happy with any of it.  The way I see it, he had three choices to find happiness: 

1. Find a way to enjoy the Bunny Hill.  Practice some skills while watching the boyfriend in the ski lesson.
2. Find a way to enjoy the medium hills with me. This would have required some patience with my skills.
3. Or he could have skied the expert runs alone and found a way to enjoy the solitude that it provides.  

All of my ex's options required patience. #2 & #3 would have required communication with the Boyfriend and me.

What does this mean?  It means that in every relationship you have to work.  Either at having patience (my ex), or at getting better (the Boyfriend and me) and communication (getting the Boyfriend to understand that he wanted to ski the more difficult runs)

Skiing, like life, is a solitary sport.  Sure we can find someone who is willing to ski with us, but they probably won't be skiing at the same level.  They may be better, or worse.  It is incredibly rare to find someone who skis at the same pace you do and even then you can get out of sync if one of your falls or gets delayed on the chair lift.  What is important is that you find a way to enjoy the process of the relationship.  Helping each other learn, get up, dust off, and start skiing again.

SIDENOTE:  I don't think anyone had any real problems on this trip.  It was all cordial and civilized.  I just found it interesting and thought provoking.

Family Christmas - Arizona Style

We all have great memories of past family Holidays.  Even those of us who may have not had the best family life can cling to a small happy memory or two.  I am lucky that I had a great childhood in Arizona with many wonderful memories.  Most of them are surrounded by a loving family and friends.  I am not saying we were perfect, but we knew when to put away the knives and make the holidays special.

I have great memories of my family, cousins, aunts, and uncles all crammed into my Nana's house on Christmas Eve.  The smell of wonderful food wafting through the house.  My Godfather would grab the first tamale out of the pot, unwrap it from it's corn husk shell and gleefully eat it without the benefit of a plate or napkin.  Often spilling some of the tamale on my Nana's lace tablecloth. My Nana would look at him like he was a barbarian, but you knew that she was happy to have us there, and that she took a special pleasure in sharing her love through her food.

My other Godfather (yes I have two) would take the box of See's chocolates and poke holes in the bottom to find out what flavor they were.  If they weren't what he wanted then back in the box they would go to surprise someone else!

I loved it all....even the visits from Santa that were arranged for us kids.  Ralph (a family friend) would dress up  as Santa and "surprise" us with a visit on Christmas Eve when we were all together.  After Santa would leave, and our bellies were full, my aunt would pull one of us aside and quietly tell us to ask our parents if it was time to open the presents.  If the first attempt didn't work, she'd move on to the next kid until finally someone relented and the presents would be opened.  She never wanted to be identified as the one to start the present frenzy....but everyone knew.  Obviously, this became a game that we all loved playing. 

My mom learned a lot from her mother (my Nana) about food and how it brings people together in many different ways.  Today my mom still uses her talents in the kitchen to show us that she cares.  I am a long way from home and my path has been a good one, albiet a little rocky at points.  But I find that in this reflection on my family that I have inherited this love of sharing food with people as a way of showing I care.  I have shared my heritage with people in 4 states (Arizona, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Wisconsin).  Living in those places have influenced my cooking as well.  (I hold recipes for Jambalaya & MidWest Fish Frys in high regard as comfort food!)

This Christmas I will not be able to be in Arizona to be surrounded by my family. Work circumstances have conspired against it.  In order to avoid singing "Blue Christmas" all season, I am going to recreate some of my memories here in Wisconsin.....starting this weekend!

Tamales are very labor intensive, so I may be trying to make my paternal grandmother's version of enchiladas for Christmas Eve.  I made them (successfully) a few years ago, so I am going to try again. along with the typical beans and rice.  As a Mexican-American family we weren't against a good turkey or ham either....so I have fall-backs!

And what are the holidays without desserts?  This year will be my first attempt a biscochuelos (an anise-shortbread cookie).  It is funny that I am making these because as a child they were never my favorite.  But now, as an adult...I like them.  Also on the dessert menu is Bunelos (a Mexican version of fry-bread with a home-made brown sugar syrup).

My mother is a wonderful cook and I am lucky enough that she has shared many of her recipes with me.  I am not the cook that she is, but this year I am going to try to share my culinary memories with my extended family here in Wisconsin.  They may not know why I love each dish as I do, but they will understand that I am giving it to them from a place of caring.

(Mental note to self:  Get Mom to teach you to make Tortillas!)

Merry Christmas to everyone.  Feliz Navidad.  Love your family.  Cherish your memories.

The Truth about Christmas

Much of holiday stress is brought on by our expectation that we have to perform in some fashion to show the people around us that we care.  I am just as guilty as the next person in trying for that holiday perfection.  But lets be honest.  Our lives will never be a Norman Rockwell painting.....and why should they be?

Only one song gets me through the season.  (Video and Lyrics after the jump.  Click "Read More")

Let's take it easier on each other this year.

Happy Holidays and peace to all.

"So Christmas makes me see that everyone's like me
the pain I'm going through is pain that they're all feeling too
and it's so encouraging to know that we all want the same thing

to be loved
to be happy
to have hope

That's the truth about Christmas."

Criminals

In the wake of the election and the subsequent depression that my liberal heart went through,  I found myself in a funk.  Where do I belong?  If the Nation is rolling toward this "Spiritual awakening" that the Tea Party/Republicans (lets face it...they are the same people) and Sarah Palin are offering, then where do I fit in this world?

Now to be fair, of the 41 Palin-endorsed House candidates who were on the ballot Tuesday, only 22 of her picks won and 13 lost (the remaining 6 races haven't yet come in as of this blog post.)  I am not an alarmist, but this is a bellwether sign for 2012.  Now is the time to fix this.  2012 is too late.

I read about the things that these people are against and I see where it is possible that I will suddenly be branded illegal, immoral, and a blight upon society.  Legislated to a place that seems to be dark and seedy.... much like a Bulwar-Lynton novel, or a Sam Spade-esque Noir film.

What do these people want to legislate?
Immigration = Arizona style racial profiling is on the ballot for many states. (I am an American born-and-raised of Hispanic heritage).  My complexion is fair enough that I may never personally feel the effects of this type of legislation.  But I think of my family members and friends who may not be so lucky to avoid harassment because of their skin color.

Anti Gay Legislation = Marriage, Don't Ask, Don't Tell, etc. - I am gay.  My relationships mean nothing without jumping through a separate set of legal rules that will never give me the same rights that a husband and wife have.  I cannot serve in the military.  In certain states, I cannot adopt.

Lets boil this down....Today, I am a tax paying, law-abiding citizen.  Six years from now, if I make NO CHANGES to who I am or what I do, I may be a criminal.

How far away from being criminalized are you? 

According to Prefixsuffix.com
PRO = for, foward; as in to "propel" forward
CON = with, together; as in "converge", "concatenate", "conjoin".....make the same

CONservatives (Republican/Tea Party/WHATEVER) are looking to legislate ways to tell other people that their lives are only valid if they "CONverge", "CONcatenate", "CONjoin" with the CONservative way of thinking..... 

PROgressives (Democrats) have passed legislation that, while not all encompassing, is on the right path to PROtect people of different faiths, creeds, color, and sexuality.  PROpeling the idea that in diversity we are strong.  Have they done everything we wanted?  No.  But with them we at least have a chance.

Think about it....how many years until they can lock you up for your racial heritage, sexuality, gender identity, or decisions you have made regarding abortion? 

Eventually the Conservatives will have to raise taxes to build prisons for the rest of us.

Change

I always say that I am a "486 in a Post-Pentium world".  As I am sure you know, this is in reference to computer processor speeds and how they have (changed) sped up over the years.  Society is always demanding faster change and complaining when they don't get it.

Some of our parents and grandparents saw amazing change over the course of their lifetimes.  Personal computing wasn't even a pipedream when our grandparents were teenagers.  The colloquialisms we use now mean nothing to those generations upon which we are built.

I often think of a woman I knew in Arizona.  She passed in 2004.  Lenore was 108. (Quick math: 2004 - 108 =  1896)

Now,  lets think about the change Lenore dealt with:
1896 (Lenore is Born)
- Utah is the 45 state admitted to the union
– The Ford Quadricycle, the first Ford vehicle ever developed, is completed, eventually leading Henry Ford to build the empire that "put America on wheels".
1914
World War 1 STARTS.
1916  (Lenore is 20 years old)
– The light switch is invented by William J. Newton and Morris Goldberg.
1926 (Lenore is 30 years old)
- Television is DEMONSTRATED (not in production or widely in use...I said "DEMONSTRATED")
- Land on Broadway and Wall Street in New York City is sold at a RECORD $7 per sq inch.
- Queen Elizabeth II is BORN
1936 (Lenore is 40 years old)
 - Margaret Mitchell's novel Gone with the Wind is first published.
 - President Franklin D. Roosevelt attends the dedication of Thomas Jefferson's head at Mount Rushmore.
1939 - 1945
World War II
1956 (Lenore is 60 years old)
– Elvis Presley enters the United States music charts for the first time, with Heartbreak Hotel.
– Norma Jean Mortenson legally changes her name to Marilyn Monroe.
– The first episode of As the World Turns is broadcast on the CBS television network
1976 (Lenore is 70 years old)
– The Cray-1, the first commercially developed supercomputer, is released by Seymour Cray's Cray Research.
- Apple Computer Company is formed by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.
- United States Bicentennial: From coast to coast, the United States celebrates the 200th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.
1996 (Lenore is 100 years old)
- The Nintendo 64 video game system is released in Japan.
- Motorola introduces the Motorola StarTAC Wearable Cellular Telephone, the world's smallest and lightest mobile phone at that time.
- Dolly the sheep, the first mammal to be successfully cloned from an adult cell, is born at the Roslin Institute in Midlothian, Scotland.
2004 (Lenore is 108)
– NASA's MER-A (Spirit) lands on Mars at 04:35 UTC
– Facebook was founded at Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Now, I am not saying that Lenore lived life free of complaints or that she was always happy.  She was human, just like the rest of us.  However, she loved to dance.  She loved it when everyone (not just her family) called her "Grandma", and she performed in Ballroom dancing tounaments with zeal. (and often no competition since most competitions divided contestants by age range!)

She saw so much change over he life, she was not surprised when "miracles" happened.  She had seen so many advancements, very little surprised her.  She had seen the human experience with her own eyes. 

What I take from my experience with Lenore is that change is inevitable.  It is how you deal with it that makes the difference.

Gay Suicides: Epidemic

Recently, the media has very publicly covered the suicides of several teenagers, some gay, and some just perceived gay.  Many have called the recent spate of violence and bullying an epidemic.

Community wide, this coverage and visibility is a blessing.  It is with great hope that we look to our leaders, from the pulpits to the podiums, to effect some change in the perception that Homosexuality is not a dividing line in the human race and that all children deserve the chance to become the best and most productive people that they can.

On a very personal note,  I am wondering why this is just now being called an epidemic.  Why is it now that we have finally put our collective foot down and said "this must end"?

Here are some startling things to know:  1989 - The US Secretary of Health and Human Services published a report which suggested that gay and lesbian youths are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide and that they account for up to 30% of the total adolescent suicide rate.

Let that sink in a minute....UP TO 30% of the total adolescent suicide rate.

For the purposes of this Blog, let's lower that number a little bit.  Let's assume 20% and allow the naysayers some wriggle room.

Time for some math. 

According to Suicide.org, in 2005, 4212 young people between the ages of 15 and 24 committed suicide.

If 20% of those 4212 people were homosexual, then (4212/20%) = 842 young gay people took their lives in 2005. That is an average of (842/52 weeks in a year) = 16 young people A WEEK!

I need to repeat that....16 young people a week.

My point is this, the recent media frenzy is LONG overdue.  This IS an epidemic.  But lets not forget those that lost the battle in the many years that we have been fighting to come out of the shadows.

I mourn for the families of all the children who believed that they weren't loved, or "normal", or even deserving of love.  More importantly, we should mourn all the children.  Not just the most recent ones.