So this is how the story goes.....
I was home last Saturday afternoon, laundry going, music on and elbow deep in dishes when I hear a text come across my phone. It is from one of the few friends I still keep in touch with from high school. The text simply read, "Are you going tonight?"
I replied "Going where?"
That was when my whole night changed from a bowl of cereal and TV reruns to my 25th High School Reunion. Hell yeah, I went! I had a great time! We tore up the dance floor. I cherish the memories and friends I had....I just wish more of them had attended.
This reunion was a great time, but it also had a mixed message for me. Since I wasn't "out" during high school (or any time soon thereafter). I had spent a lot of my days hiding. Keeping my friends circle really small and tightly knit. My friends may have guessed my predicament....but they were supportive of me and kept quiet.
My ability to stay hidden in High School became apparent when only a handful of people remembered me at the reunion. The Reunion committee had pictures of the entire class....except me. People I had performed with didn't remember me. People I had attended classes with for two years didn't even look twice at me. It was kind of funny to this 43 year old who understood the situation....and kind of sad for the 16 yr old that I used to be.
High School can be traumatic. I had girlfriends....and I knew it wasn't "right" for me. I had a friend commit suicide. I was rejected by my first male crush. I was covered in zits. I had a lot of self doubt.
Maybe they didn't recognize me because all those things were gone. I don't hide anymore. That is to say that I don't shy away from people. I am more self confident about who I am and where I need to draw the line to stand up for myself. I still keep my friends close and tightly knit, and I have learned to get the enemies, negativity, and pain out of my life. While I still like to live my life quietly, please don't take that as a sign of weakness. I look at it as a sign that I need prove myself to no one.
Since High School I have been rejected many times. One long term relationship failed. Another short term one turned out not to be a relationship at all but more of a year and a half of a joke with me as the punchline. I have dealt with the deaths of many friends and family. I still get zits (though not as many). Self doubt is more like an old friend and not the end of the world.
It is sad that the 16 yr old didn't have more of a presence in High School, but it is more of a triumph that the 43 yr old has survived well beyond those experiences.
After High School I formed a little philosophy about how I was going to live: People will be better for knowing who I am. Even if it is just a simple smile that I can bring to someone's face, they will have had one more smile in their lifetime for knowing me.
Warning to those who think this is an easy philosophy.... I think that the value it brings to those I can make smile far out weighs the times that I get used because people can use my philosophy against me.
My advice....go to your 10th, 25th...and every reunion possible. Celebrate the few people with whom you still communicate. If no one else remembers you, maybe it is because you have evolved past that person you used to be and the 16 year old is no longer who you really are anyway.....
