Skiing through Relationships (or Relationships through Skiing)

As some of you know, when the weather gets cold, I turn to skiing to combat the winter blahs.  Well, I was skiing this weekend in a social situation that was a little bit different....  My ex came to WI to ski and brought his on-again-off-again Boyfriend.  Now, to be clear, I was fine with this situation.  The ex and I try to stay friends, and I like the would-be boyfriend.  What was interesting was watching my ex try to bounce between us.

I have been skiing for 4 years.  I am not good, but I am not bad.  The ex is an expert skier, and the Boyfriend is a beginner.

Watching the dynamics that were in play was very interesting and really made me ponder life and the relationships that we form with the people around us.  I came up with a theory....not a new theory....but a theory, nonetheless.

These were the events as the day unfolded:

After one group lesson, the Boyfriend decided that skiing wasn't for him.

I skied the green and blue hills.  I was much more comfortable this year than last.  I put music on my earphones and fell only once.  I skied alone (most times).  I was happy until the snowboarders started to annoy me, and by then, a hot chocolate sounded better than another run.

My ex spent a LOT of energy running from hill to hill.  I am not sure he was really happy with any of it.  The way I see it, he had three choices to find happiness: 

1. Find a way to enjoy the Bunny Hill.  Practice some skills while watching the boyfriend in the ski lesson.
2. Find a way to enjoy the medium hills with me. This would have required some patience with my skills.
3. Or he could have skied the expert runs alone and found a way to enjoy the solitude that it provides.  

All of my ex's options required patience. #2 & #3 would have required communication with the Boyfriend and me.

What does this mean?  It means that in every relationship you have to work.  Either at having patience (my ex), or at getting better (the Boyfriend and me) and communication (getting the Boyfriend to understand that he wanted to ski the more difficult runs)

Skiing, like life, is a solitary sport.  Sure we can find someone who is willing to ski with us, but they probably won't be skiing at the same level.  They may be better, or worse.  It is incredibly rare to find someone who skis at the same pace you do and even then you can get out of sync if one of your falls or gets delayed on the chair lift.  What is important is that you find a way to enjoy the process of the relationship.  Helping each other learn, get up, dust off, and start skiing again.

SIDENOTE:  I don't think anyone had any real problems on this trip.  It was all cordial and civilized.  I just found it interesting and thought provoking.

Family Christmas - Arizona Style

We all have great memories of past family Holidays.  Even those of us who may have not had the best family life can cling to a small happy memory or two.  I am lucky that I had a great childhood in Arizona with many wonderful memories.  Most of them are surrounded by a loving family and friends.  I am not saying we were perfect, but we knew when to put away the knives and make the holidays special.

I have great memories of my family, cousins, aunts, and uncles all crammed into my Nana's house on Christmas Eve.  The smell of wonderful food wafting through the house.  My Godfather would grab the first tamale out of the pot, unwrap it from it's corn husk shell and gleefully eat it without the benefit of a plate or napkin.  Often spilling some of the tamale on my Nana's lace tablecloth. My Nana would look at him like he was a barbarian, but you knew that she was happy to have us there, and that she took a special pleasure in sharing her love through her food.

My other Godfather (yes I have two) would take the box of See's chocolates and poke holes in the bottom to find out what flavor they were.  If they weren't what he wanted then back in the box they would go to surprise someone else!

I loved it all....even the visits from Santa that were arranged for us kids.  Ralph (a family friend) would dress up  as Santa and "surprise" us with a visit on Christmas Eve when we were all together.  After Santa would leave, and our bellies were full, my aunt would pull one of us aside and quietly tell us to ask our parents if it was time to open the presents.  If the first attempt didn't work, she'd move on to the next kid until finally someone relented and the presents would be opened.  She never wanted to be identified as the one to start the present frenzy....but everyone knew.  Obviously, this became a game that we all loved playing. 

My mom learned a lot from her mother (my Nana) about food and how it brings people together in many different ways.  Today my mom still uses her talents in the kitchen to show us that she cares.  I am a long way from home and my path has been a good one, albiet a little rocky at points.  But I find that in this reflection on my family that I have inherited this love of sharing food with people as a way of showing I care.  I have shared my heritage with people in 4 states (Arizona, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Wisconsin).  Living in those places have influenced my cooking as well.  (I hold recipes for Jambalaya & MidWest Fish Frys in high regard as comfort food!)

This Christmas I will not be able to be in Arizona to be surrounded by my family. Work circumstances have conspired against it.  In order to avoid singing "Blue Christmas" all season, I am going to recreate some of my memories here in Wisconsin.....starting this weekend!

Tamales are very labor intensive, so I may be trying to make my paternal grandmother's version of enchiladas for Christmas Eve.  I made them (successfully) a few years ago, so I am going to try again. along with the typical beans and rice.  As a Mexican-American family we weren't against a good turkey or ham either....so I have fall-backs!

And what are the holidays without desserts?  This year will be my first attempt a biscochuelos (an anise-shortbread cookie).  It is funny that I am making these because as a child they were never my favorite.  But now, as an adult...I like them.  Also on the dessert menu is Bunelos (a Mexican version of fry-bread with a home-made brown sugar syrup).

My mother is a wonderful cook and I am lucky enough that she has shared many of her recipes with me.  I am not the cook that she is, but this year I am going to try to share my culinary memories with my extended family here in Wisconsin.  They may not know why I love each dish as I do, but they will understand that I am giving it to them from a place of caring.

(Mental note to self:  Get Mom to teach you to make Tortillas!)

Merry Christmas to everyone.  Feliz Navidad.  Love your family.  Cherish your memories.

The Truth about Christmas

Much of holiday stress is brought on by our expectation that we have to perform in some fashion to show the people around us that we care.  I am just as guilty as the next person in trying for that holiday perfection.  But lets be honest.  Our lives will never be a Norman Rockwell painting.....and why should they be?

Only one song gets me through the season.  (Video and Lyrics after the jump.  Click "Read More")

Let's take it easier on each other this year.

Happy Holidays and peace to all.

"So Christmas makes me see that everyone's like me
the pain I'm going through is pain that they're all feeling too
and it's so encouraging to know that we all want the same thing

to be loved
to be happy
to have hope

That's the truth about Christmas."

Criminals

In the wake of the election and the subsequent depression that my liberal heart went through,  I found myself in a funk.  Where do I belong?  If the Nation is rolling toward this "Spiritual awakening" that the Tea Party/Republicans (lets face it...they are the same people) and Sarah Palin are offering, then where do I fit in this world?

Now to be fair, of the 41 Palin-endorsed House candidates who were on the ballot Tuesday, only 22 of her picks won and 13 lost (the remaining 6 races haven't yet come in as of this blog post.)  I am not an alarmist, but this is a bellwether sign for 2012.  Now is the time to fix this.  2012 is too late.

I read about the things that these people are against and I see where it is possible that I will suddenly be branded illegal, immoral, and a blight upon society.  Legislated to a place that seems to be dark and seedy.... much like a Bulwar-Lynton novel, or a Sam Spade-esque Noir film.

What do these people want to legislate?
Immigration = Arizona style racial profiling is on the ballot for many states. (I am an American born-and-raised of Hispanic heritage).  My complexion is fair enough that I may never personally feel the effects of this type of legislation.  But I think of my family members and friends who may not be so lucky to avoid harassment because of their skin color.

Anti Gay Legislation = Marriage, Don't Ask, Don't Tell, etc. - I am gay.  My relationships mean nothing without jumping through a separate set of legal rules that will never give me the same rights that a husband and wife have.  I cannot serve in the military.  In certain states, I cannot adopt.

Lets boil this down....Today, I am a tax paying, law-abiding citizen.  Six years from now, if I make NO CHANGES to who I am or what I do, I may be a criminal.

How far away from being criminalized are you? 

According to Prefixsuffix.com
PRO = for, foward; as in to "propel" forward
CON = with, together; as in "converge", "concatenate", "conjoin".....make the same

CONservatives (Republican/Tea Party/WHATEVER) are looking to legislate ways to tell other people that their lives are only valid if they "CONverge", "CONcatenate", "CONjoin" with the CONservative way of thinking..... 

PROgressives (Democrats) have passed legislation that, while not all encompassing, is on the right path to PROtect people of different faiths, creeds, color, and sexuality.  PROpeling the idea that in diversity we are strong.  Have they done everything we wanted?  No.  But with them we at least have a chance.

Think about it....how many years until they can lock you up for your racial heritage, sexuality, gender identity, or decisions you have made regarding abortion? 

Eventually the Conservatives will have to raise taxes to build prisons for the rest of us.

Change

I always say that I am a "486 in a Post-Pentium world".  As I am sure you know, this is in reference to computer processor speeds and how they have (changed) sped up over the years.  Society is always demanding faster change and complaining when they don't get it.

Some of our parents and grandparents saw amazing change over the course of their lifetimes.  Personal computing wasn't even a pipedream when our grandparents were teenagers.  The colloquialisms we use now mean nothing to those generations upon which we are built.

I often think of a woman I knew in Arizona.  She passed in 2004.  Lenore was 108. (Quick math: 2004 - 108 =  1896)

Now,  lets think about the change Lenore dealt with:
1896 (Lenore is Born)
- Utah is the 45 state admitted to the union
– The Ford Quadricycle, the first Ford vehicle ever developed, is completed, eventually leading Henry Ford to build the empire that "put America on wheels".
1914
World War 1 STARTS.
1916  (Lenore is 20 years old)
– The light switch is invented by William J. Newton and Morris Goldberg.
1926 (Lenore is 30 years old)
- Television is DEMONSTRATED (not in production or widely in use...I said "DEMONSTRATED")
- Land on Broadway and Wall Street in New York City is sold at a RECORD $7 per sq inch.
- Queen Elizabeth II is BORN
1936 (Lenore is 40 years old)
 - Margaret Mitchell's novel Gone with the Wind is first published.
 - President Franklin D. Roosevelt attends the dedication of Thomas Jefferson's head at Mount Rushmore.
1939 - 1945
World War II
1956 (Lenore is 60 years old)
– Elvis Presley enters the United States music charts for the first time, with Heartbreak Hotel.
– Norma Jean Mortenson legally changes her name to Marilyn Monroe.
– The first episode of As the World Turns is broadcast on the CBS television network
1976 (Lenore is 70 years old)
– The Cray-1, the first commercially developed supercomputer, is released by Seymour Cray's Cray Research.
- Apple Computer Company is formed by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.
- United States Bicentennial: From coast to coast, the United States celebrates the 200th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.
1996 (Lenore is 100 years old)
- The Nintendo 64 video game system is released in Japan.
- Motorola introduces the Motorola StarTAC Wearable Cellular Telephone, the world's smallest and lightest mobile phone at that time.
- Dolly the sheep, the first mammal to be successfully cloned from an adult cell, is born at the Roslin Institute in Midlothian, Scotland.
2004 (Lenore is 108)
– NASA's MER-A (Spirit) lands on Mars at 04:35 UTC
– Facebook was founded at Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Now, I am not saying that Lenore lived life free of complaints or that she was always happy.  She was human, just like the rest of us.  However, she loved to dance.  She loved it when everyone (not just her family) called her "Grandma", and she performed in Ballroom dancing tounaments with zeal. (and often no competition since most competitions divided contestants by age range!)

She saw so much change over he life, she was not surprised when "miracles" happened.  She had seen so many advancements, very little surprised her.  She had seen the human experience with her own eyes. 

What I take from my experience with Lenore is that change is inevitable.  It is how you deal with it that makes the difference.

Gay Suicides: Epidemic

Recently, the media has very publicly covered the suicides of several teenagers, some gay, and some just perceived gay.  Many have called the recent spate of violence and bullying an epidemic.

Community wide, this coverage and visibility is a blessing.  It is with great hope that we look to our leaders, from the pulpits to the podiums, to effect some change in the perception that Homosexuality is not a dividing line in the human race and that all children deserve the chance to become the best and most productive people that they can.

On a very personal note,  I am wondering why this is just now being called an epidemic.  Why is it now that we have finally put our collective foot down and said "this must end"?

Here are some startling things to know:  1989 - The US Secretary of Health and Human Services published a report which suggested that gay and lesbian youths are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide and that they account for up to 30% of the total adolescent suicide rate.

Let that sink in a minute....UP TO 30% of the total adolescent suicide rate.

For the purposes of this Blog, let's lower that number a little bit.  Let's assume 20% and allow the naysayers some wriggle room.

Time for some math. 

According to Suicide.org, in 2005, 4212 young people between the ages of 15 and 24 committed suicide.

If 20% of those 4212 people were homosexual, then (4212/20%) = 842 young gay people took their lives in 2005. That is an average of (842/52 weeks in a year) = 16 young people A WEEK!

I need to repeat that....16 young people a week.

My point is this, the recent media frenzy is LONG overdue.  This IS an epidemic.  But lets not forget those that lost the battle in the many years that we have been fighting to come out of the shadows.

I mourn for the families of all the children who believed that they weren't loved, or "normal", or even deserving of love.  More importantly, we should mourn all the children.  Not just the most recent ones.

National Coming Out Day

It certainly isn't a surprise that I am a gay man.  Most of you know that I spent years struggling with my sexuality.  I was very lucky to have one specific supportive person in my life to help me make the final leap to become a self-realized person. 

Here is the story as I remember it:

She was an Army Brat.  Her family had moved around a bit and landed in Tucson, AZ.  We met while training to be Ballroom Dance Teachers.  We had answered the same ad an started the training together. 

After growing up in a rather sheltered Catholic/Hispanic household,  her 1980's asymmetrical haircut was the craziest thing I had seen (other than on that new channel, MTV).

We liked the same music, she was easy to talk with, she had similar political views....what was NOT to love?  Was she the one for me?  Why not?  Didn't I deserve love?  She certainly did. 

We moved in together. A one bedroom.  Time to play house. Boyfriend and Girlfriend. 

Many apartments later and years of living together. Fighting together. Loving each other.  She knew ever thing about me including my continual struggle with who I was.  I was always faithful to her, but she saw it in me.  She loved me enough to tell me that she needed to move on, and that I needed to come to terms with myself.

Today, she is my best friend.  She has always been there for me.  I will do my best to always be there for her.  Thousands of miles separate us but I feel her love for me every day.  We don't speak regularly.  Life has gotten in the way of our regular communication, but when we do speak, it is as if the years and distance melt away.

Her love helped me to deal with my internal struggle.  Having her in my life kept me from becoming one of the statistics that we are reading about today.  Yes, I was the one that had to do the work, but I never felt completely alone or unloved.

This is a love letter from a 42 year old gay man to a 42 year old straight woman.

I wouldn't have made it without you.  I love you.

Thank you.

VAMPIRES ARE REAL!

No, I don't mean the kind of Vampire that is romanticized in the Twilight Saga, or the Anne Rice novels.  I am pretty sure my steady diet of garlic will keep those at bay...  I am talking about the Vampires that exist in our everyday lives.

In her book "Emotional Freedom", UCLA psychiatrist Judith Orloff, MD talks about the emotional vampires in our lives.  Whether they do so intentionally or not, these people can make us feel overwhelmed, depressed, defensive, angry, and wiped out.  The consequence of not being able to defend against these "Emotional Vampires" can be unhealthy behaviors and symptoms, such as overeating, isolating, mood swings, or feeling fatigued.

In an interesting video, r. Orloff talks to people about what emotional freedom means to them and she gets some interesting responses: VIDEO.

Her book discusses several different types of Vampire.  Do you have a relationship with anyone on this list?

The Narcissist:  Delusions of grandeur
The Victim:  Believes the world is against him/her
The Controller:  Opinionated, rigid sense of right and wrong, needs to dominate
The Criticizer:  Feels qualified to judge and belittle everything
The Splitter:  Friendly one day and attacks the next.  Rageaholic who enjoys causing drama.

While it may be true, that we may have one or more of these people (external influences) in our lives, it  can also be argued that these Vampires exist within each of us as thoughts, emotions, and habits.   I'd argue that as internal thoughts, these Vampiric parasites can do a lot more damage than as external influences (people).  When these thought patterns occur we have to recognize them for what they are and be able to defend against them, or stop them altogether.

The video I mentioned above begins to touch upon the universal truth that once we achieve peace with ourselves, we can then begin the work of achieving peace in the world around us.

Only through recognition and practice can we rid and/or protect ourselves against these Vampiric people or behaviors.  Take a minute in your life and start to find those things that sap your energy, self-confidence, or inner peace.  Question why you allow it to happen.  Then find constructive ways to defend against or avoid those patterns or people altogether. 

..... I am still practicing recognizing these things within myself....and eating lots of garlic (just in case)!

Surviving Winter

As the fall approaches and the weather gets cooler, I listen to my friends talk about the changing of the leaves, the changing of the seasons,  and eventual winter.  Some of them are excited, and some are less than enthused.

I am one of those that is somewhere in between.  As a native Arizonan, snow accumulation above a few inches is too much for me on a daily basis. Living in Milwaukee, WI has taught me that life does continue when snow has reached a height of more than 6 inches and is still falling.  Business don't close, kids stay in school, and life keeps on moving.

I'll be honest, even after seven years of Wisconsin winters, I still want to hibernate until after Easter, but since that is impossible (bills still need to be paid), I find ways to cope.

1.  Promise yourself to get as much of the winter things that you ENJOY!
    I like skiing.  Last year I made a promise to myself to ski as much as possible.  This kind of worked.  I looked forward to the skiing and actually HOPED for snow so that skiing conditions would be favorable.

2. DON'T spend all winter shoveling (unless you LIKE shoveling)
    HIRE A SERVICE!  Why would I want to have to wake up early just to shovel a driveway?  Consider this a mental health expense.  Services are plentiful and reasonable. 

3.  BAKE and/or COOK!
    Now is the time that people get together to celebrate family.  Spend some time in your kitchen making those family treasured recipes.  I love soups.  Last winter I spent time refining soup recipes.  I made them for potlucks, office parties, or just for ME!  There was a long time period in my life that my cooking was discouraged (not because it was bad...it just wasn't priority).  Now I am feeling encouraged to cook for the people around me.  They LIKE my cooking and I am learning to enjoy it again!

4. Find time to enjoy the snow.
    I know that this one is far-fetched but when you are able take a quiet moment, watch the snow fall.  Turn off the Ipod, TV, or radio, walk away from the computer.  You can stay inside if you wish.  But take a quiet moment to watch the flakes drift down from sky.  Admire the beauty and randomness of it all.

5. Find a way to exercise!
      Joining a gym may not be in your future, but (without shoveling) there has to be a way to exercise (follow a video, an audio tape, dance wildly to the radio in your living room) The point is to get rid of the excess energy that you use on outdoor activities during other times of the year....plus you'll need a way to burn off the calories from #3 (above).

Soon enough I'll be using these techniques to survive yet another Wisconsin winter.  I hope they work for you too!

I think I am going to work on breads this winter....to go with the soups from last winter!

So if you see someone falling down a hill and he smells of fresh baked bread, it is me.  Say "Hi".....just call the ambulance if I don't respond.

Losing Our Identity

The answer:  "Homogenized milk, Cultured Sour Cream, Chain Restaurants".....

The question:  "What is the same every time you get it?"

So my last post called for awareness of your own internal prejudices.  Use them to celebrate our differences and be able to utilize them to play upon your own strengths.  All very important points.

However, today I realized a quandary of what happens to a group of people when they get the "acceptance" for which they so diligently have fought.

I was in a National Chain Bookstore today looking for literature of a specific nature.....a specific genre.....ok, ok...The Gay & Lesbian section.  Here is the conversation I had with the young help desk clerk:

Me:  "Excuse me, I have been wandering around your store for the last 20 minutes and I can't find your Gay & Lesbian section.  I am on vacation and need a new book."

20something female Clerk:  "What section?"

Me:  "The Gay & Lesbian section.  I would like some new gay fiction"

20something:  "There is no Gay and Lesbian section"

Me:  "You mean you don't sell gay themed books?" (Obvious ire welling up)

20something:  :::Rolling her eyes::: "No, they are all mixed up"

Me:  "You are telling me that gays and lesbians are mixed up?!?!?!"  (about ready to blow a gasket)

20something: "NO! (duh) That fiction is in with the other fiction.....no special section for Gays & Lesbians"

Me: "Oh....well.....ummmm.....thanks."

Ok, so all the gay authors are now in the same stacks as the regular authors.  Cool!  We are getting treated like everyone else!  No special section!  No more back-of-the-bus, at least in the world of literature!  Tony Kushner is no longer relegated to a dark dismal corner of some shop living in fear that someone may find him.  Armisted Maupin can come out of the closets and into the world of real literature!  Michael Thomas Ford needn't worry about prying straight eyes in his "Queer Life".  Cool!

Hey....wait.... That means that I have to look through the regular stacks for the stories I might identify with?  No more standing in the Gay and Lesbian sections perusing the books while watching someone fidgeting and trying to get the nerve to pull a book off the shelf and through their actions admit that they may have homosexual tendencies?  No more secretive glances at the cute guy who has pulled gay erotica off the shelf? 

While I relish the thought of Suzie Bible-Thumper selecting what she thinks to be the latest Harlequin Romance because there is a hot guy on the cover only to find that both main characters have "throbbing members"......I am not so sure this desegregation this is a good thing.

I was having a discussion with another 40 something bartender in a gay establishment.  He was talking about a downturn in clientele.  When asked why the decrease, he stated that many gay patrons were now going to local straight bars.....and finding many other gays there as well.  He said this was the death knell of the gay bar as we knew it.  Acceptance is up and people don't find the need to seek out their own specific bar anymore. 

Have we made it?  Has homosexuality begun to see the light of day? Will this wave of political fear mongering about the "homosexual agenda" finally be put to rest? 

Wow.....from Stonewall to Suburbs......we have always been here.  Acceptance would be great.  But there was a certain feeling when we walked into a club that was meant for us.  A sense of belonging when we found people who were just like us.  Now we have to wade through the rejection of straight AND gay men just to find "the one"? 

Can I change my mind?  
I think I want to be special again.

Mistaken Identity: Which cookie do you like best?

Imagine that there is a plate of cookies in front of you...one Oatmeal, one Chocolate Chip and one Sugar.  You are only allowed to choose one.  Which one do you choose?

Sure this is an overly simplistic view, but why did you choose one cookie over another?

We all have preconceived notions of how things are supposed to taste, and we all have the flavors that we are drawn too...but if we never experienced all of the flavors....how do we really know which one is our favorite?

In his 1961 book "A Stranger in a Strange Land", Robert Heinlien introduced the world to the concept of "grok".  Grok means to understand something thoroughly and intuitively.  And how can you possibly understand something without experiencing it first hand?

"I don't grok that."
"Grokking that is a little difficult for me right now."
"I grok what you are saying."

There are wars raging today because of a specific part of human nature that is a learned behavior.  Humans run on an interesting tightwire between pack animals and solitary beasts.

As pack animals, we surround ourselves with the trappings and social groups that make us comfortable and define our identity.  But we practice these behaviors to our own detriment.  We use the "comfortable" to help us define what is "uncomfortable" without ever experiencing the thing on which we are passing judgement.

As free willed individuals we also have the option to run as solitary beasts.  Experiencing the things that the others of our pack may not be inclined to try. 

Yet, so many of us choose not too roam on our own, or try to understand different points of view.

Prejudice is born of this pack behavior.  The pack can be drawn on many lines... racial, religious, socio-economic, gender, sexual preference (just to name a few). The battle between "them versus us" has raged and will rage until the end of time, part of that instinct is how we evolved and survived so it isn't really a bad thing.

However, now that we are the dominant species and we bend the earth to our will, shouldn't these feelings of competition also evolve? Maybe to work together in a spirit of cooperation?

Prejudices are a good thing, they are tools and we need to understand them within ourselves.

Example: if all the Oatmeal Cookie eaters band together, there will eventually be a shortage of Oatmeal cookies. 

The magic happens when an Oatmeal Eater meets up with a Sugar cookie eater....suddenly there is no fighting...add a Chocolate Chip Eater and there is an equilibrium.  The problem happens when they start to argue over who's cookie is superior.  Maybe we need to start to admit that we don't have to agree in which cookie is best. We each have our belief which is better for us, personally. 

Wouldn't life be interesting if we started to leverage our strengths and weaknesses and use them to build a better place for everyone?

Make your choices for yourself, but don't do it out of an ignorance of what the other choices have to offer.  Drink in what they mean. Grok them.

You still might make the same choice, but you might have a little better understanding of the world and how you fit.

Information and Self Awareness

In the interest of full disclosure: I work in the IT industry, I have 4 working PC's and 2 laptops in my apartment.  I have a smartphone.  I am CONSTANTLY connected.

Now, all that being said, I question the emotional intelligence of being that "on" all the time.  What are we doing to ourselves?  An article on NPR "Digital Overload: Your Brain on Gadgets" references a study by some neurologists who decided to study how they'd react to a "no-tech" vacation in a remote location in Utah.

What they came up with was more questions (go figure).  However, they noticed something they termed the "Three Day Effect". Basically on the third day they felt more relaxed and less inclined to reach for their cell phones.

According to a study conducted at UC San Diego, the average person today consumes about three times as much information as the typical person in 1960....

{DING!} Sorry, that was my Twitter alarm going off.....

The New York Times reports that the average computer user checks 40 websites a day!

{BEEP!} Hold on, that is my Facebook.....

All this information may be important to us.

{GONG!} CNN Breaking news....be right back....

But is it REALLY necessary to have all this thrust upon us?  Why are we choosing to learn about all events of the day, as they happen?

The globalization of the human experience is important.  Knowing what is happening in the world is our responsibility if we are ever going to make our experience on this planet better. 

I believe in The Butterfly Effect, however I question if it possible that all this information is causing us to be so involved in events happening half way across the world that we lose sight of our localized environment and the "Butterflies" that are in our own backyard.

I am not calling for isolationism, I am not saying we shouldn't be aware of news in all our radiating spheres of influence.  I am saying that (for our own health) we need to have the emotional intelligence to realize those things that we have the ability to change and those things that are beyond our reach.

Information awareness is much like that 1978 video game "Space invaders".  We have to pick off those invaders that are closest to us while being aware of the ones that are further off. because the remote ones will get closer as time passes!  Occasionally, there are larger issues that can't be ignored, but we can't stop aiming at the closer targets either....

Is this tough?  Sure. 
Is this possible?  {RIIIIING!}  Gotta go....that is my phone.

(You can play Space Invaders HERE! )

"You're a Big Boy now!"

I don't know how many times I heard that from adults as I was growing up.  Generally it was a way to get me to act more responsible, do homework, do chores, etc.  So here is my question: 

Am I a big boy NOW? 

I really don't think size has anything to do with that statement.  I have seen some huge 3rd graders in my lifetime.

Maybe "Big Boy" has more to do with responsibilty than age or size.  Taking out the trash without being told.  Doing the dishes.  Washing your own clothes.  All the things that the "grown ups" do.  OK.  I can buy that.  But if it is such a good thing to be a "big boy" (or responsible adult) why is it that we spend so much time trying to get those "grown up" things done FOR us?

I guess I am a "Big Boy" by necessity....I don't have anyone else willing to do those things for me.

But ask yourself honestly....wouldn't you like a housekeeper?  A money manager?   A secretary or assistant?   If we are able to get all those things done for us, isn't that a little bit like having parents again?  Cleaning for you, awarding you an allowance, reminding you of important things/items and picking up your dry cleaning?  The only thing different is that you are old enough to work, drink, vote, and get into an "R" rated movie!

We start life in diapers and eating pureed food and we end life in generally the same condition.  Why do we fight SO hard to be "grown ups" or a "big boy"?

See if you follow me on this theory....

1. Lets say that life is like the Earth and the horizon is your age.....
2. That horizon is coming at you whether you like it or not.
3. Now, the effort we make at being grown up expends a lot of energy, climbing the ladder, JUMPING ahead... all effort.
4. So....if you JUMP really high while the horizon is coming at you, what happens?  You miss a LOT of the little things that happen on the ground because you were SOOOO busy up in the air.
5. If you still take your jumps, but take time to come down every once in a while......maybe you won't miss so much.

Before you get upset and say that I am endorsing a model to society that says we shouldn't achieve, know that I pay my bills, I finished a post-graduate degree, I do dishes, laundry, and take out the trash.  BUT I still harbor that "little kid" inside.  I like roller coasters, I play video games, and I watch cartoons.  Doing the balancing act between "big boy" and "little kid" is a growth experience within itself. 

I guess without growing up, we can't appreciate the fun of being a little kid.  But AS grown ups we sometimes forget to BE that little kid.

FOR GOODNESS SAKE, become an acheiver!  We still need cancer cured, clean energy, and World peace!  Just don't forget to take joy in your life as well.

21st-Century minimalist

It used to be that being a minimalist meant that you kept your belongings to a minimum.  Just the things you absolutely needed.  Some clothes, maybe a bed or cot, to live as spartanly as possible.  After reading an article published by the BBC about a person who had chosen a minimalist lifestyle, but still owned things, I was curious.  (You can read the article here.)

This person chose to keep all his possessions in a virtual state.  What do I mean by that?  Everything was digitized.  In today's land of huge hard drives, e-readers, laptops, and smartphones people have begun trading in CD/Movie colletions for digital files like MP3 or MP4.  With sites like flickr.com and photobucket,  photo albums no longer need to clutter bookshelves.  Books are downloaded to e-reader devices.  Save for some clothes, the article decribes the life of someone who is homeless, yet owns everything he wants.....an interesting concept.

The article really made me think.... How much of your life is online?  How much can you "give up" to minimize your footprint on the earth?  The answer is that I could stop buying actual paper books or newsprint no problem.  Music would be a little harder.  Movies....ok....  Nothing but you, a laptop, a hard drive, an e-reader, a smartphone, and only as many clothes as you can carry?  

I look around my apartment.....and I see more than possessions.  The picture of my grandmother that watches over me from her place on the wall, a bookcase my dad made for me.  A set of kitchen canisters that sat on my grandmother's counter for as long as I remember.....  Sure I could declutter and get rid of stuff.  It will be one HELL of a yard sale.  However, I am not ready to part with the memories that tie me to my past. 

Since I am a self proclaimed nerd, the thought of being able to live electronically is very exciting.  The ability to own everything you want but not have to store it is amazing. 

But what happens to the smaller pleasures of grabbing a favorite novel and being able to flip the pages?  Reading the liner notes on your old vinyl records or the CD jacket?  Thumbing through a photo album that someone painstakingly put together for you.....maybe over your lifetime (Thanks, Mom).

Will it mean the same when a couple of clicks of a mouse does it for you?  Read the article....and ask yourself if you can live this new '21st century minimalist' style.  I already know I'd fail.

Fear vs. Worry

This week I finish my Masters in Business. This is a big jump for me. I feel like I have accomplished a huge feat! The majority of my adult life has been spent in school.

Whilst discussing this milestone in my life with a friend, I mentioned that I have a fear of what will happen next. He called me a "worrier" and gave me the platitudes that most good friends are required to give when discussing such things.

During this conversation, I couldn't get him to understand that my "fear" did not equate to "worry" and that they were two very different things....

According to (The All Knowing) Wikipedia: Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger.

I equate my FEAR of life-after-school with a general uneasiness of what the future will bring.  But isn't that true of everyone's life?  We are always looking forward wondering what will happen.  We can plan for things, we can have good intentions....but regardless of how prepared we are....the future is a'comin'!  I have no clue what this change in my resume' will bring.  I have no real life experience to base a decision on.

Merriam-Webster says that Worry is (amongst other things) to feel or experience concern or anxiety: in other words to fret.  Now we all fret from time to time, but generally it is because of things we have experienced.  I might worry about my nephew breaking his arm if he climbs that wall. Why?  Because I've done it.  I might worry about a  friend about to make a HUGE mistake.  Why?  Because it has happened to me.

I guess my point is that I have nothing to "worry" about.  I have no experience in life with an MBA.  What I do have is fear of the unknown...will I get a job?  Can I use my degree to better my life and the lives of those around me?

As long as I keep in mind that fear is the only thing standing in my way, I'll be OK.  Worrying about it has no basis in my reality.....but "my reality" is another post entirely.

I know some of you will argue that this is semantics, but understanding how you work within yourself helps you to navigate the world a little more deftly.

Understand your fears.  Realize they are different than worry.  Fear you can work though.....so don't worry about it!