Just kidding, it ain't so bad. This is the first Christmas in a very long time that I have lived in the same town as the family. I've been here since June, and I can't say this has been the easiest move ever, but I can say that it has been both challenging and joyful.
2011 is ending. It was an incredibly stressful year. I am, by nature a homebody that doesn't like a lot of change, and 2011 challenged me almost beyond my capacity to deal.
I had been on my own in Milwaukee since 2008 and by 2010 I had just started to get my feet underneath me. By 2011, I was kinda settled, finished my MBA, had what I thought was a relationship. Then it came ... that thing that I thought would never happen. A career offer in Arizona. (Notice the difference....career....not job.) Accepting this position meant a move back to my hometown and my family. It also meant a stress on the roots I had planted in Milwaukee. I took the offer thinking that the roots in Milwaukee were strong and the important ones would survive. I had no idea the extent to which I overestimated some of the roots that I had deemed important.
I have been in AZ for six months now. I have spent as much time as possible fostering a relationship with my Godson and niece. I have caught up with my parents and aunts and uncles. I am having to slowly educate some people that I am not the 12 year old that they remember, or even the 28 year old that moved away. I am sure that it will get better. I just have to stand my ground and be firm. I came back for a relationship with my family...and I take the good with the bad.
With 2011 ending, I have been feeling melancholy. I have gained a lot this year, but I have also lost a lot. The relationship I left behind ended the minute the moving truck pulled up.....actually it probably ended earlier, I was just too dense to notice. Took me a month or two more after the move and a 2X4 across the head before I undetsood it was really over. I had hoped that it would survive this temporary upheaval and we'd find a way to survive, but it was indicated to me that I wasn't worth the effort and he had been depressed the entire time we'd been together. This news wasn't the easiest pill to take, but I couldn't argue with what he was feeling no matter how I felt about it. This was quite the crushing blow.
As for the rest of my friends in MKE....I still speak with the ones who do find me worth the effort. They help me realize that love has no zip code or distance limit. We talk of the things happening in our lives and the hopes we have of seeing each other in the future. Gives me hope that I won't lose them too. Milwaukee was important to me, and the friends I left behind are greatly missed.
2012 is on the horizon. People talk of counting their blessings and being happy for the season. I agree with that....but I challenge you to go one step further. Cherish your blessings all year 'round. Don't wait for a two week period at the end of the year for special recognition. Don't let go of the people that are important to you and if they don't feel the same, get away as fast as you can (or at least as soon as you realize it). Life is too short to have negativity like that in your life.
It took me 2 years of healing and centering myself after my last major change to feel like I was ready to handle life on my own terms. This more recent change and move has been really hard on me, but I have survived 6 months, and a lot of those moments have been happy because I have been able to lean on family and friends for support. This healing period may take as long....or not... I don't know. What I do know is that I am worth the effort, regardless of what some other people think or have indicated.
Here is my promise to 2012. I am going to cherish the people in my life....every day....because they choose to make the effort to keep me in theirs.
I challenge you to put your arms around the people who take time for you and tell them you love them...and really mean it. Understand that love is forever. Don't just say it without realizing the gravity behind those words. If you think they aren't "keepers" let them go immediately! Many of the people in your life think you are worth the effort. Be worthy of their effort. It is a two way street and a circle of energy that feeds itself.
Imagine how great it would be if you surrounded yourself with those sorts of reciprocal relationships and not the vampirical ones that we so often find ourselves in, those people who would use us until we aren't "of use" to them anymore. (To quote P!nk's lyrics in "Raise your glass": "Why do I do that?") It is your responsibility to not be a vampire OR a vampire's victim!
I want to close this with and old "Irish" toast (.....I say that with the quotes because I don't know the origin of this toast....). This New Year's I will raise a glass and say the following:
"Here's to the friends we love, and here's to the friends who love us. If the friends we love don't love us, screw them, here's to us!"
My friends, chances are you came to this post via Faceook. I may not be physically close to you, but I believe you are worth the effort. I hope you think I am too. I look forward to great adventures for 2012 and I am armed with the lessons life has taught me. Together we can overcome anything and enjoy even more!
Happy New Year!
