Chosen Memories

Don't you find it interesting that women remember the miracle of chidbirth but not the pain of labor?  Don't you think that if the excruciating pain were what they remembered there would be less babies on the face of the Earth?  I realize this selective memory is a survival mechanism for the female of the species, without it the chances of the human race would be slim.

Here is my question, why can't we all only remember the good parts of everything?  The good parts of Love, the good parts of people, the good parts of relationships, the reason you bought that lemon of a car, or married that jackass of a husband, or the b*tch of a wife.....

I'll tell you why....and it is the same reason,  Survival.  When you have that child, you have to remember the good because the child will always be in your life.  But when it comes to anything else....in today's society, you can ditch all the rest.....and when you DO ditch the rest (and you will) you have to remember why you ditched it.  Without that chosen persistent memory, you would second guess the decision the rest of your life. 

It is this ability to choose a memory that I envy.  I am too pragmatic for my own good,  Oh sure I remember why I bought that lemon of a car and then I question why I got rid of it.  That last repair might have been it!  Sure that potential husband may have been a jackass at the end, but was it my fault, could he have changed? Could I have lived with it?  Love is great while you are in it, but when it ends it is incredibly painful, unless you are the dumper and not the dumpee.....and then the chosen memory is different.

It is odd that I would envy people who can make up their own reality with chosen memories. But it is odder still when people don't question themselves, their belief systems, or the reality of their lives. 

I've been kicked around enough that I am low on faith and full of jaded conviction.  Chosing a memory for a specific event is beyond me.  It is the bottom line that I remember.  All the facts that got me to this point/place/situation.  1+1 = 2 not 3, 4, or 5 or even in some bright future 10.

Ignorance may be bliss, but blind faith is dangerous.

Valentine's Day

(From http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day) "The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death."
The article on History.com goes on to give a few more variations on the theme of how Valentine's day became the Hallmark Holiday it is today.  But for me it is pretty much the same as any other day. 

I've had three great loves in my life.  My best friend, My ex Partner, and one more.....  Only one has survived the cruicible of time.  And for a gay man in his 40's, having the love of a female best friend is priceless.  She and her family always and infallibly make me feel instantly loved. 

For me, love is really difficult.  My experience has moved me along a path that makes me think I am one of the few left that believes love is worth effort, compromise, and occasional inconvenience.  I have been in love.  Do not mistake my cynical attitude for one that doesn't believe.  What I have lost faith in is the dating pool and my ability to judge those possible prospects that are out there.  I have failed miserably at judging people.  I believed them when they said used the word "love".  And while they may have meant it, they did not have the same definition of it as I do.

This mistrust of myself and others has put me in a rather lonely place.  Sure I have love.  Familial love.  Friendship love.  It is a partner that I miss.

I already know that if someone were interested, I'd doubt them and their intentions.  It is a catch-22.  I know.  I am not fooling anyone, including myself.

So this Valentine's Day, if you are having a Valentine dinner with your sweetheart and you notice someone with grey in his goatee who is staring at you.  Don't just think he is a wierdo.  He may be trying to sort out the situations in his life that put him there alone one Feb 14th.  Maybe you could look him in the eye and smile.  It may not be much, but it may mean the world to him.

For now, for me..... Feb 14th will just be 1/2 Price Candy Eve.  The mysteries of the Valentine's Day holiday are far too distant to ponder.