Valentine's Day

(From http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day) "The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death."
The article on History.com goes on to give a few more variations on the theme of how Valentine's day became the Hallmark Holiday it is today.  But for me it is pretty much the same as any other day. 

I've had three great loves in my life.  My best friend, My ex Partner, and one more.....  Only one has survived the cruicible of time.  And for a gay man in his 40's, having the love of a female best friend is priceless.  She and her family always and infallibly make me feel instantly loved. 

For me, love is really difficult.  My experience has moved me along a path that makes me think I am one of the few left that believes love is worth effort, compromise, and occasional inconvenience.  I have been in love.  Do not mistake my cynical attitude for one that doesn't believe.  What I have lost faith in is the dating pool and my ability to judge those possible prospects that are out there.  I have failed miserably at judging people.  I believed them when they said used the word "love".  And while they may have meant it, they did not have the same definition of it as I do.

This mistrust of myself and others has put me in a rather lonely place.  Sure I have love.  Familial love.  Friendship love.  It is a partner that I miss.

I already know that if someone were interested, I'd doubt them and their intentions.  It is a catch-22.  I know.  I am not fooling anyone, including myself.

So this Valentine's Day, if you are having a Valentine dinner with your sweetheart and you notice someone with grey in his goatee who is staring at you.  Don't just think he is a wierdo.  He may be trying to sort out the situations in his life that put him there alone one Feb 14th.  Maybe you could look him in the eye and smile.  It may not be much, but it may mean the world to him.

For now, for me..... Feb 14th will just be 1/2 Price Candy Eve.  The mysteries of the Valentine's Day holiday are far too distant to ponder.