Effort

I have been facinated with this Facebook Poster recently. 

Especially since the last year and a half has turned out to be a huge farce

with me being the punchline to an awful and expensive joke.

I'll be back with something positive to say.  The question is when. 

Applause

Applause: (Latin applaudere, to strike upon, clap) is primarily the expression of approval by the act of clapping, or striking the palms of the hands together, in order to create noise.  (source: Wikipedia)

We all look for approval of some type.  The approval of our parents, family, friends, a loved one.  I have read countless articles and books that all say the same thing: "You don't need other's approval, just build your own self esteem".  Ok, I get that.  But lets be painfully honest, if not with each other, than with ourselves.... no matter how confident you are in yourself, it is part of the human experience to look for approval from others.

I watch confident/successful people all the time.  Some make huge definitive statements in order to get their point across.  Some "share" ideas and invite conversation.  But the truth is that they are all looking for "followers" for their statements and ideas.  Someone to agree.  These followers provide the approval and (sometimes) actual applause that they are looking for..... so even in their quest to be confident, they need approval from others.

I spent many years as a performer and still miss the approval and applause of an audience, but I have spent much of the last 15 years off the stage.  Much of my business career has been about teaching myself to be better at things in order to gain the approval of my superiors and workmates.  Getting that recognition/approval because I was able to provide a business solution where others had failed or dare not tread. 

Now, I am not saying that we have to depend on others to find our own self esteem, but I am saying that we need to be aware how people effect our self perception.  I KNOW that I am good enough for almost any job in IT management, but I require the approval of someone hiring me to actually get paid for it. 

Eventually we all get kicked enough that we wonder if we are good enough to <fill-in-the-blank>.  Of course we all find our way.  We survive.  Self doubt is ONLY a flag to find places for self improvement.  It is up to us to use self doubt as a tool to build ourselves up, and not an anchor to drag us down. 

Do I doubt my ability to do everything perfectly?  ABSOLUTELY!  Do I doubt my ability to learn from my mistakes?  Not at all.

Albin sang it best in "La Cage aux Folles".  "Give me the hook! Or the OVATION!"

Enjoy who you are...with or without the Applause.

Bread and Circuses

The Roman Colosseum

In High School, I learned about a phenomenon that occured in Ancient Rome (Remember them? Collapsed civilization? Burned? Guy with a fiddle?).  The idea of "bread and circuses" has been on my mind a lot the last few years.  I don't know if it is because I am getting older, or more aware, or that there is just so much dreck out there I can't avoid it... I question if we are experiencing the same issues?

The Romans had a practice of providing free wheat to Roman citizens as well as costly circus games and other forms of entertainment as a means of gaining political power through populism.  In effect, buying their vote.  Pay attention to the "Americans for Prosperity" campaigns; the corp sponsored political movement with paid pseudo-celebrities, i.e. Joe, The Plumber, who get paid to travel and speak to groups of people in order to sway votes and public opinion.

According to wikipedia:  "In the case of politics, the phrase ("bread and circuses") is used to describe the creation of public approval, not through exemplary or excellent public service or public policy, but through the mere satisfaction of the immediate, shallow requirements of a populace. The phrase also implies the erosion or ignorance of civic duty amongst the concerns of the common man."

There are days that I look at the hundreds of TV channels and programming available and wonder if we (as a race) are concerned with the things that really matter.  The internet is a "superhighway of information" and yet it is filled with so much flotsam and jetsam that it becomes close to impossible to weed out the nuggets that are meant to inform, educate, and lift us to a place of enlightenment.

I am not a conspiracy theorist in any way shape or form.  I do not believe that characters like "Snookie" are government created distractions that keep the common man from thinking.  But even if the "Housewives of Wherever" aren't a tool created by some monsterous government agency, isn't the effect the same?  A populace more concerned with drug-induced ramblings of celebrity than what laws are passing?  Citizens more entranced by the drunken escapades of a pop-star, than the actions taken on foreign soil in "their name"?  Sports figures are more revered than the leaders of any specific country or religion?

Politics has been a polarizing force recently.  At least for those paying attention to it has been polarizing.  The LOUD people on the Right and the LOUD people on the Left all have an opinion.  But that HUGE gap in the middle....the ones busy watching reruns of Springer, "The Jersey Shore", and "Housewives of Wherever"... when that group wakes up from the bread and circuses, where will they stand on issues of Abortion, Gay Marriage, the Deficit, and Industry regulation?

This will be interesting.  Anyone have a fiddle?

Democrats are Optimists?

After speaking with someone about Republicans and Democrats and the fundamental ideological differences between them, I began to realize something.  Democrats are not the optimists that everyone paints them to be.

(Before you start the hate mail, hear me out.)

We are all equal on the day we are born.  In the most basic of ways.  Gasping for air, confused, hungry and covered in the ooze that kept us alive.  But right after our first gasp of air, HEAPING mounds of circumstances start to hit us in waves of inequality.  Were you born healthy or with a specific challenge?  Were you born in a country where a 3rd grade education is the highest achievement or born the child of a wealthy oil czar that has a university named after him?  If you are reading this, you are probably somewhere in between those two extremes.

What does this have to do with Democrats?  Well, it is in the leveling of those two extremes that gives Democrats their fuel.  We believe that people should be given equal chances to succeed in life.  That the child born to poverty has the same chance at being the next Einstein as the one born to riches.  That one man taught to fish might teach another man, who might teach another.  Not buy the pond, erect a fence and post a sign that says "NO FISHING!"

This all sounds great.....right?  A chicken in every pot?  The opportunity to succeed for everyone?  Hurrah!  All very noble goals.  But that is where Democrats start to lose their optimism. 

(Start composing your hate mail now.)

Democrats understand the human condition to be one of challenge and battle.  They understand that human instinct (since the beginning of time) is about survival of the individual and not necessarily of the species.

With that understanding, the Democrat becomes a pessimist. 

Democrats no longer believe that Companies will do what is right for society "because it is right."  They believe that the company will act much like a caveman in crushing it's competition and to find a way to survive without much care to the impact of the environment, their employees, or the businesses around them.  So they legislate and create Government programs like the EPA and band together to make Labor Unions.

Democrats no longer believe in the "kindness of the human being".  They believe that given the chance, people would rather shoot each other.  So gun laws are passed.

The free market is a great idea...in theory.  But a truly free market (with no legislation or regulation) will only serve to create a huge gap between those that have opportunity and those that don't.  Because those that can afford to BUY more opportunity will do so at the expense of everyone else around them.  Imperial England was a free market.  Eventually, giving rise to a monarchy and a rich ruling class with slaves and indentured servants.  Come to think about it, why didn't "Trickle Down Economics" work there?

Democrats understand this. 

Social rules (manners, like "Don't shoot your neighbor") are made to prevent someone from breaking them.  Laws are made because too many people broke the rules and there needs to be an accepted form of punishment.

Democrats are well known for creating Government Programs and legislation that "spend tax dollars" to empower the poor, down trodden, and disenfranchised.  In doing so, they have earned the name "bleeding heart liberals".  This may all be true.  But I wonder if this is a reaction to the overwhelming evidence that human nature is more about individual survival in any way possible and less about lifting up your fellow man.

Maybe the Democrats heard a Republican tell the following joke:

Two men were walking in the woods, when suddenly they saw a bear charging at them from across a field.  One man yelled "RUN!" hoping to benefit both people from the alarm.  The other stopped to put on some running shoes.  When the one who yelled asked the other what he was doing, he replied "I don't have to run fast.  I just have to run faster than you!"

Guns - Literal and Verbal

Recently, I have seen lot of postings about gun laws since the AZ shooting. 

DISCLAIMER:  I am not an advocate of a gun ban because it is a moot point with a market that is saturated with firearms and firearms manufacturers. A ban would only serve to put firearms in a black market situation; much like alcohol in Prohibition, and we all know how well THAT turned out.  Gun control is certainly an option, but would require enforcement and would not eliminate shootings/violence

 With all that being said, what is left to dissuade would-be violent criminals?  The adage of having both "carrot and stick" as a motivator for human behavior is really all that remains.

Laws (the "stick") only serve to define a punishment for people who break them.  Sure they are a deterrent for people who are frightened by such things, but the real criminal element are probably going to break the law no matter how it reads.

I was in a recent discussion with someone who suggested that the Tucson shootings would not have happened if gun control were more stringent and enforced.  I agree with him, however, if the shooter were determined enough, guns are available through other means....and they always will be.  Sure this specific shooting may not have happened.  But gun control would not eliminate tragedies like those that have occured in Tucson, Columbine, or others....

The real question is: how do we change the human experience so that violence doesn't even become an option?  I agree that a life out of prison is a "carrot" that I'll take any day, but people who are hell-bent to cause destruction don't see it that way.  This is a question of education and evolution.

Education of our children.  Education for ourselves. We must evolve as a species.

Next time you say one of the following things, THINK about the message your words send:

1. "I wish they'd just die!"
2. "I HATE YOU!"
3. "I'm going to beat the ____ out of you!"

The next time your LEADERS use inflammatory speech or imagery,  call them on it.  Write a letter, send an email.  Because you disagree with the WAY they present their message doesn't mean that you oppose them or the agenda.

An Icon in 90's infomercial television was a spiky haired blond named Susan Powter.  The "STOP THE INSANITY!" diet craze.  She took those words and used them until we had them pounded in our heads.

I think it is time for a resurgence, but lets apply it to the way we communicate.  STOP the INSANITY, the ANGER, the HATE SPEECH, the PREJUDICE.

If enough of us choose to live in a society that communicates rather than inflames maybe we really can make a difference.

We have been very lucky in the US to not have experienced the violence that ALL of our neighbors have had to live with.  It is hard to look at the World news and not see violence that is either occurring, or occured. 

This lack means that the US has to be doing SOMETHING right.  What are we doing right and how do we expand on that success? 

Just something to ponder.....

Skiing through Relationships (or Relationships through Skiing)

As some of you know, when the weather gets cold, I turn to skiing to combat the winter blahs.  Well, I was skiing this weekend in a social situation that was a little bit different....  My ex came to WI to ski and brought his on-again-off-again Boyfriend.  Now, to be clear, I was fine with this situation.  The ex and I try to stay friends, and I like the would-be boyfriend.  What was interesting was watching my ex try to bounce between us.

I have been skiing for 4 years.  I am not good, but I am not bad.  The ex is an expert skier, and the Boyfriend is a beginner.

Watching the dynamics that were in play was very interesting and really made me ponder life and the relationships that we form with the people around us.  I came up with a theory....not a new theory....but a theory, nonetheless.

These were the events as the day unfolded:

After one group lesson, the Boyfriend decided that skiing wasn't for him.

I skied the green and blue hills.  I was much more comfortable this year than last.  I put music on my earphones and fell only once.  I skied alone (most times).  I was happy until the snowboarders started to annoy me, and by then, a hot chocolate sounded better than another run.

My ex spent a LOT of energy running from hill to hill.  I am not sure he was really happy with any of it.  The way I see it, he had three choices to find happiness: 

1. Find a way to enjoy the Bunny Hill.  Practice some skills while watching the boyfriend in the ski lesson.
2. Find a way to enjoy the medium hills with me. This would have required some patience with my skills.
3. Or he could have skied the expert runs alone and found a way to enjoy the solitude that it provides.  

All of my ex's options required patience. #2 & #3 would have required communication with the Boyfriend and me.

What does this mean?  It means that in every relationship you have to work.  Either at having patience (my ex), or at getting better (the Boyfriend and me) and communication (getting the Boyfriend to understand that he wanted to ski the more difficult runs)

Skiing, like life, is a solitary sport.  Sure we can find someone who is willing to ski with us, but they probably won't be skiing at the same level.  They may be better, or worse.  It is incredibly rare to find someone who skis at the same pace you do and even then you can get out of sync if one of your falls or gets delayed on the chair lift.  What is important is that you find a way to enjoy the process of the relationship.  Helping each other learn, get up, dust off, and start skiing again.

SIDENOTE:  I don't think anyone had any real problems on this trip.  It was all cordial and civilized.  I just found it interesting and thought provoking.

Family Christmas - Arizona Style

We all have great memories of past family Holidays.  Even those of us who may have not had the best family life can cling to a small happy memory or two.  I am lucky that I had a great childhood in Arizona with many wonderful memories.  Most of them are surrounded by a loving family and friends.  I am not saying we were perfect, but we knew when to put away the knives and make the holidays special.

I have great memories of my family, cousins, aunts, and uncles all crammed into my Nana's house on Christmas Eve.  The smell of wonderful food wafting through the house.  My Godfather would grab the first tamale out of the pot, unwrap it from it's corn husk shell and gleefully eat it without the benefit of a plate or napkin.  Often spilling some of the tamale on my Nana's lace tablecloth. My Nana would look at him like he was a barbarian, but you knew that she was happy to have us there, and that she took a special pleasure in sharing her love through her food.

My other Godfather (yes I have two) would take the box of See's chocolates and poke holes in the bottom to find out what flavor they were.  If they weren't what he wanted then back in the box they would go to surprise someone else!

I loved it all....even the visits from Santa that were arranged for us kids.  Ralph (a family friend) would dress up  as Santa and "surprise" us with a visit on Christmas Eve when we were all together.  After Santa would leave, and our bellies were full, my aunt would pull one of us aside and quietly tell us to ask our parents if it was time to open the presents.  If the first attempt didn't work, she'd move on to the next kid until finally someone relented and the presents would be opened.  She never wanted to be identified as the one to start the present frenzy....but everyone knew.  Obviously, this became a game that we all loved playing. 

My mom learned a lot from her mother (my Nana) about food and how it brings people together in many different ways.  Today my mom still uses her talents in the kitchen to show us that she cares.  I am a long way from home and my path has been a good one, albiet a little rocky at points.  But I find that in this reflection on my family that I have inherited this love of sharing food with people as a way of showing I care.  I have shared my heritage with people in 4 states (Arizona, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Wisconsin).  Living in those places have influenced my cooking as well.  (I hold recipes for Jambalaya & MidWest Fish Frys in high regard as comfort food!)

This Christmas I will not be able to be in Arizona to be surrounded by my family. Work circumstances have conspired against it.  In order to avoid singing "Blue Christmas" all season, I am going to recreate some of my memories here in Wisconsin.....starting this weekend!

Tamales are very labor intensive, so I may be trying to make my paternal grandmother's version of enchiladas for Christmas Eve.  I made them (successfully) a few years ago, so I am going to try again. along with the typical beans and rice.  As a Mexican-American family we weren't against a good turkey or ham either....so I have fall-backs!

And what are the holidays without desserts?  This year will be my first attempt a biscochuelos (an anise-shortbread cookie).  It is funny that I am making these because as a child they were never my favorite.  But now, as an adult...I like them.  Also on the dessert menu is Bunelos (a Mexican version of fry-bread with a home-made brown sugar syrup).

My mother is a wonderful cook and I am lucky enough that she has shared many of her recipes with me.  I am not the cook that she is, but this year I am going to try to share my culinary memories with my extended family here in Wisconsin.  They may not know why I love each dish as I do, but they will understand that I am giving it to them from a place of caring.

(Mental note to self:  Get Mom to teach you to make Tortillas!)

Merry Christmas to everyone.  Feliz Navidad.  Love your family.  Cherish your memories.